Living in London sure has its many ups and downs. On the up side, it’s flipping cool, there is so much to do and see and it’s fun and exciting and great and all that jazz. (I don’t want to spoil any future ‘Things that are TIPTOP about London’) BUT. There are many, many things that drive me bonkers about London. Small things that grind my gears that are just common occurrences in the daily life of a Londoner. Here’s a little list of a few of the things that pee me right off.
1) People walking at a speed of minus 2.8mph. WHO has the time to casually meander down Oxford Street or across London Bridge? In London we do things with speed and agility. Come on people, I have things to do, people to see and a life to be getting on with.
2) Oxford Street. For all those that don’t actually live in London, you may think that Oxford Street is some kind of luxury shopping experience where you can shop till you drop and stroll around the stores in a casual dream. NO. Just NO. If you like being rammed by total strangers then you will probably enjoy this. Anyone else, just no.
3) Cute, cosy cafes that you can casually relax in with a good book and a cuppa don’t quite exist in central London. If they do, please let a gurl know.
4) Drunk people on the tube. Okay so this has probably (definitely) been me once or twice, and I know it’s easy to do when you’ve had a few beverages on a Thursday-is-the-new-Friday night out. But guys, rolling around on tube floors and screaming at the top of your lungs is not cool and not sexy. Don’t do it, no matter how many G&T’s you’ve had.
5) People that stand on the left hand side of the escalator are the worst people ever.
6) People that shimmy to the doors of the tube when you haven’t reached the station yet. PEOPLE. Hold your horses. You are definitely pissing every single person on the tube off. I will tutt at you.
7) Tube closures are probably the most frustrating thing when you live in London. You wake up on a Saturday morning, feeling blessed that it’s the weekend and you can go and do whatever the hell you like, and you get to the tube realise it is closed. The stress levels increase as now every what-should-be simple journey turns into a fucking mission. What do they even do when there are so-called improvement works? MYSTERY.
8) It gets frustrating that your already long day at work is made extra-long with a commute either side. I often feel very jell at those lucky lucky people who can just take a casual walk or drive down the road to work, and when that magical time comes, home time, they will be home in 5 minutes. If this is you, please appreciate this.
9) People with suitcases seem to feel like it’s absolutely fine to ram it into people’s legs whilst getting to and from their destination. Of course I don’t mind that you have just scraped your suitcase against my calf and now I have a massive gash. FOOL.
10) Rent prices. LOL. I love that I pay the price of a luxury yacht for my small room each month. My bank account loves it even more. I also love the fact that I’ll never be able to afford to have my own home because my rent sucks the living soul out of my wages making it impossible to save. Cheers for that.
11) On a side note to rent prices, GENERAL prices. Do we want to be paying for the privilege of eating this meal in London? Or pay £10 for this cocktail? Why of COURSE we do! Why not bump the prices up even more so only the rich and famous can afford to come? BASTARDS.
12) Illness. I can’t really remember a time when I felt like I was 100% fully healthy. Being on the tubes, and constantly squished up to other people makes you feel not only gross and sweaty, but poorly too. Bugs and germs get spread so easily, I blame the people that don’t seem to know that you should cover your mouth when you cough.
13) When you live in London you obviously need somewhere to live. And once you have found an estate agent you can actually trust not to rip you off and you have agreed the extortionate rent prices you are good to go. One thing you can’t be sure of before moving into a place is the neighbours. I’m lucky at the moment as my neighbours seem to be really lovely. BUT. Guys, beware of those creepy, loud, arsehole neighbours that can actually make a nice living experience pretty hell-ish.
14) London life is tiring guys. I feel tired 92.5% of the time. No matter how much sleep you get, no matter how many nights you’ve spend chilling at home in front of Eastenders and Masterchef, you still feel tired.
15) It’s common knowledge to everyone in the world that the Brits love to queue. This is doubly true in London. It’s queue heaven, queues galore! Come down to London and just queue ‘cos it’s fun!
16) I love how London welcomes people from all over the world, bringing different cultures all together and living in peace and love, mostly. It’s probably one of my favourite things about this place. However tourists are different. Tourists with their maps and selfie sticks and that travel around in groups of 40 that clog up the ticket barriers and stand on the left hand side of the escalators. That is something that bugs the shit out of me A LOT of the time.
17) Those people that think yelling ‘Can you move down the train’ is actually going to make people move closer together. LOL no.
18) Urban foxes. They may look kind of cute and innocent, but when they keep you up with your squealing all night, they ain’t cute and they ain’t innocent.
19) People that think they are too cool for you. It’s not lie, there are some very cool people in London. You know the types, those cool kids with purple hair and all the piercings and can pull off double denim, and the Kate Mosses that are dressed to perfection with perfect hair and perfect makeup and perfect everything? They often think they are too cool for any other normal kind of living creature and will give evils at any given opportunity. I know this is a massive generalisation, as I myself have a resting bitch face and often look like a moody Mary, but there is a difference between R.B.F and being pure evil.
20) I am partial to a good night out, as are a lot of other twenty-somethings living in the city. We like to party. However a night out in London is not just a simple case of rolling into a club and going wild and then rolling back home. It is more like, TREKKING to a club, usually in heels and desperate for a wee, going wild, then TREKKING all the way home. And I literally mean a trek. Not fun.